Lynda

Lynda is part of the Stepping Up group in Scarborough. She shares her story of faith, and how the kindness of those at Holy Nativity Church in Eastfield helped bring her back to faith.

When I was a child, I just ‘felt’ that Jesus was close by. I can’t explain how because my family weren’t faithful but I did have a teacher who told us bible stories. All I ever wanted for Christmas was a gold crucifix and my own bible (with gold-edged pages please). After much hint-dropping, I was finally gifted both. I used to go to church every fourth Sunday, to the children’s service. Everywhere else in public life, I would be a worried child, shy and afraid, but in church I came to life, and didn’t feel any sense of fear reading out to everyone from the big bible at the front of the church.

I recall sitting by a lake on a family holiday, with the sounds of nature all around. I felt the most loving, beautiful feeling of peace and calm come over me. It was as though everything was right in the world and I was filled with love. I was only a small child, but I’ve never forgotten that moment. I’ve spent all of my life trying to find that place in my heart again. My faith faltered and grew less over the years, I had some very bad experiences and the last time I prayed in earnest was when I was a teenager. I asked God to take me back home, I wanted my life to end. Many difficult years followed.

Fast forward to 2018, I was working as a teaching assistant my working hours were being cut and I couldn’t afford to live. One day, I had to go to school wearing jeans, because I couldn’t afford to wash my work clothes. I apologised to the class teacher and explained my situation, he told me about Holy Nativity church in Eastfield, where his wife is the vicar. They showed me such kindness, I have never been so touched by the good hearts of strangers. They fed me and gave me money to help get me back on my feet.

I visited a few times after that, you can just feel the warmth flowing out from the people in that place. I felt a huge draw to the place, but I was afraid to go into the church. I don’t know what I thought would happen, but I imagined that God would be angry with me for not having had faith in Him during the intervening 30 years. The unexpected delivery of a beautiful Christmas hamper, courtesy of Open Arms, that year filled me with joy. Still, I didn’t have the courage to walk through those church doors.

In 2019 my dad became seriously ill, I was caring for him and needed help. I asked Rev. Sam and the prayer group to pray for him. In 2020 as the national lockdown began, I joined the prayer group online. We prayed for my dad and six weeks later he died peacefully in his sleep. Instead of feeling angry, I felt great peace, I knew he was at peace and had gone home to God. There was no funeral due to lockdown, but Rev. Sam aired an online service of remembrance for him and that is when my faith fully returned. It helped me so much with my grief, with the alien circumstances of lockdown, the fear of covid and with so many other things in my life.

I began listening to evening prayers and picked up the Bible again. I even found the gold-edged Bible I’d had as a child. It felt GOOD. When we were allowed out again, I signed up for the Alpha course and at last I walked through the doors at Holy Nativity. It was like coming home to my family.